Look at, a website and online coach that you can use to regain control of the mess in your house. What about the twins? Do they help? Try zoning parts of the house, dividing it into small chunks and not thinking beyond the part you assign yourself that particular day (when I say you, I mean it in the plural, you and your partner, as there is no way that this should all be down to you). Practical solutions: Would you consider, and can you afford, getting any help in, even for a short while? Maybe a housekeeper/cleaner who could come a few times a week? Or even a local, older teenager?
You say you've always been messy, but you could probably have managed it with binge tidying every now and then before you had children, but now you have other priorities. Going on what you've said, I suspect that there is also a time issue. I would ask you to consider if either of these descriptions applies to you, and if the mess is a physical manifestation of something else. (It's like obsessive compulsive tidying, but in reverse – as if the mental vacuum is on blow instead of suck.) Sometimes, people make a mess to make a statement to another person as if to say "this is what's going on in my head, this is what I feel like". I wonder if your expectations are realistic. So work is an oasis where you can be tidy because you aren't being interrupted a million times a day by small people asking you to look at a butterfly they have drawn, or slightly larger people asking you to listen to the story they've just written. You don't tell me what your daily routine is like but I imagine that you have a school run to do, nursery drop-offs and then you go to work and in the evening, you repeat all that. You have four children aged from nine months to 10 and you and your partner both work, often into the evening, and your house is messy? I think this is the most shocking letter I've ever received. You might find it interesting to know that my partner and I are both neat and organised at work. We aren't greatly sentimental about possessions and regularly try to have purges and chuck things out, but it is the day-to-day management that I seem to find impossible.
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